Sleep Apnea

My husband has obstructive sleep apnea, a medical condition that causes his throat to relax so much when he sleeps that it cuts off his air supply. In order to not suffocate in his sleep, he must wake up so that his brain will trigger those throat muscles to tighten again and open his throat up.

Untreated, sleep apnea can lead to a host of issues long-term including heart attack and stroke, dementia, and permanent short-term memory loss. In the short-term, the person is extremely tired, putting him at risk of car accidents, forgetfulness and grumpiness, and embarrassing social scenes.

My husband was diagnosed with this in January 2007. We spent $3,000 on an overnight hospital stay for the tests and for the machine that helps him breathe at night. Called a CPAP, it consists of a mask that fits over my husband's nose with a tube running to a machine that continuously pumps room-oxygen air through the tube, making the needed opening in his throat so he can breathe.

Right from the beginning, he couldn't use the CPAP, or "mask," without being reminded. OK, at first, this was understandable. But as time wore on, this got old real fast. The problem is not that it doesn't work -- after he wears his mask, he says feels really good and even better when he wears it several nights in a row. (The doctor says he needs to wear it every night for about three weeks to feel the full effects of the treatment.) But he doesn't wear it. He says he forgets to put it on.

I was getting tired of reminding him night after night to put it on. It was making me resent him because I felt like I had to be his mother. So, about two months ago, I stopped reminding him. Now, I resent him because he's sooo grumpy and because he doesn't set his alarm clock and is then late for work. He tells me he loves his job, but really?

So, a couple nights ago, I decided to start reminding him again to wear his mask. And now he gets really angry, because I'm trying to "force" him to do something. Very frustrating, and it really puts me in a pickle. As the wife, I'm supposed to be supportive and loving, and if making sure my husband does his medical treatment isn't supportive and loving, then what is my option?

Don't get me wrong -- I know, I know, that it's the sleep apnea talking and not my husband. Just like you can't blame a drunk for words that come out of his mouth when he's under the influence, although you can blame him for getting into the situation to start with. And that's where I'm at. It doesn't make sense to me and is something I'll have to pray about.